Leading by example

So, as some of you may know, I am a firm believer on leading by example.  If you want to be a leader, then show it.  Practice what you preach.  That's what is getting me through today... Today I'm taking my own advice.

Today my family suffered some setbacks, and it would have been very easy to focus on those, and indeed, I started down that path.  I began choking on the anxiety of all the horrible things that never go right.  I began looking at things as a burden, as things that pull my resources (in all manner of the word).  I began to feel overwhelmed, overburdened and exhausted.  I know a lot of my friends feel that way on a regular basis as well.

Instead of allowing myself to continue on that terrible train of negativity, I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  I acknowledged what I was feeling as valid, but negative, and allowed myself to feel it, then worked on letting it go.  I connected with myself and asked myself what advice I would give a friend who is feeling the same way.  I didn't have to look very far for the answer.

I, again, validated my feelings and then acknowledged them for the negative things they are (realizing that they would be showing me life through a negative lens, showing me all the blessings in my life as burdens).  I showed them the door.

I began to look at life through my lenses of positivity.  I saw the smile of my partner, the love of my life.  I saw the smile of my son, the exuberance of a child at play.  I saw the smile of my daughter (whom I don't view as a step-anything), full of creativity and inspiration.  I saw in those things, not a burden on my person, but a reflection of my positive influence.  I saw love. I saw trust.

It helped, and so I thought it important to share this with you, because anyone can sound like an awesome guru of positive right action when things are going well.  It's when things are starting to go pear-shaped that those convictions are put to the test.

So, long story short (I know, too late... also known as the too long didn't read version): It's easy to view the things in your life as burdens when you encounter obstacles or setbacks.  Recognize your feelings are valid, even the negative ones, and then let them go.  Look for the beauty and good in those things, and it will help banish the habit of viewing the world in a negative light.

It will not only help you survive, but thrive.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

Addicta, septies, ut resurgat octo.

Change and Blame

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.”

― Katharine Hepburn


I don't think this is entirely true. I do agree, however, our societal environment raises us to look for blame, for the most part.  When something happens, it's always somebody's fault.  Looking for blame eases our conscious and allows us to accept the negative, which I think is a bad habit to get into.  

I have this philosophy and most of you who are reading this have already heard it:

If you look hard enough for something, you'll find it. 

With the rage of TV therapists and such coming to a near end, we've already seen the results of a more confrontational approach to self-betterment. Again, even that statement sounds as if someone is at fault for implying we're somehow inadequate or inferior. 

Not that everything they say is invalid, but the concept of blame is one that I truly don't believe in.  

It's about what you're looking for.  

So, instead of looking for blame about your situation, look for forgiveness, starting with yourself.  Most of us are overly hard on ourselves as it is, so adding this to it is, I believe, utterly unnecessary.  I mean, I understand this quote was taken out of context and about empowerment, but we need to empower ourselves in a way that promotes positive emotions, love and acceptance. 

It's hard enough to change a habit, particularly one that's been drilled into you since forever, but every path to change starts with a single step.  The trick is to keep stepping. 

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, be true to yourself, forgive yourself and then look for ways to instill that in others (usually by showing by example). 

You are loved.  

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

On Service

So, I have a quote here that I think is valid and, as usual, have my own tidbit to add:


“To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.”


― Douglas Adams


So, to my friends, you know I have sincerity and integrity and it's a good thing too, since I have like, no money.


Seriously though, it's true, a lot of times we get wrapped up in things we want to purchase, things other people have, that it becomes really easy to miss the good things, like a friend who is genuinely trying to help. Of course, the other side of that coin is that while one can appreciate the goodwill of a genuine friend, it does little to help feed a hungry tummy.


Really, what I'm trying to say with this are two things:


One - remember to step outside yourself and look at what's actually happening around you and what you have that's not quantifiable by money.


Two - remember that what you are trying to do to help someone, while it may be genuine and sincere, may not be what that person needs.


I'm thankful to have tons of loving, caring, genuine friends and hope that you all have a wonderful night (which, by the way, was a perfect night here in Illinois for a bonfire and playing in the back yard with the kids and boffer swords)!


Addicta , septies , ut resurgat octo.


Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

Where does the time go?

Looking at the date of my last post, I am almost floored.  I mean, I knew in the back of my mind that it had been awhile since I blogged anything.  Seriously though, ten months.  It seems like Windy Con was only like last month.  I still remember the sound of conversation in our room as I muddled through making an Old Fashioned here and a Rum Punch there. 

Well, a lot has changed, and yet, a lot hasn't. I'm a bit older and, I'd like to think wiser.  I'm still sleep deprived, but that's a state I'm adapting to.  I've also written very little. A shame. 

So, here I am again, staring at the screen as my fingers type this message to the handful of people who will read this (which is a fib, in actuality I'm writing this for myself).  

I've made declarations in the past and fell through with them.  I wanted to be writing more, posting regular updates, but always found a reason to not. Then work got in the way. 

So now, I'll just start with this one. This one small post with hope for the future. Despite the violent title, I want this blog to be a place that a person can stumble upon in search of a lift, a bit of encouragement, and perhaps something to help them along their path. 

We'll see what I can do.  

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

What a week (post-Windycon)!

So, that said, yes, it was a pretty tumultuous week, and not in a good way.  I've emerged... battered, bruised and beaten, but not defeated.  Some problems require a bigger bat and in this case, my bat was made from alcohol, geekery, Chinese food and my lovely wife (no, not like the leg-bone from my wife, or anything like that... OK, so it's not a perfect metaphor, so let's just move on).

It's Sunday, I've got a pot of Earl Grey and I've got some things to say.

I had a great time at WindyCon.  Our party was a success and a lot of fun to boot.  I had a great time walking around as the Janitor handing out our tickets.  I made a ton of Whisky Old-Fashioned (each one by hand, muddling the orange, cherry, sugar cube and bitters) and by 11pm (the party started at 9) we were pretty much out of everything.

As a gauge, I purchased 80 cups. We didn't have any left (and I even refilled several).  I had forgotten how much fun it was to tend bar and I had a blast.

I was able to attend a panel about Small Press and Self Publishing (which I tweeted about very actively during the panel).  I had a great time with it, it was Moderated by an author friend Chris Gerrib ('Pirates of Mars').  One of the panelists was author Paul Erickson ('The Wobbit') and I got the opportunity to see him (in all his hobbit garb) pretty much all weekend long as his booth was diagonal from Eggplant's.

During the panel, I would say that he gave us one of the best pieces of advice I've heard.  It's so simple it's often overlooked. It's so obvious it's easily missed and forgotten.

"Do what you love."

During the past week, I've read interviews, seen footage on youtube and even read the controversy between him and the National Lampoon's book (which is titled the same). If you get a chance, talk to him for five minutes... if you see him at a con, play some Moria Plinko and maybe win some candy or even a discount on his book.

Those four words can be applied to pretty much anything in life.  Though it requires a bit more work.  Finding out what you love is really important. Being honest with yourself about it is another.

Me, I work to live, I don't live to work and believe me... I love to live. So, when circumstances prevent me from doing the things that I refer to as "living" (enjoying time with my wife and family, socializing, gaming... just to name a few) then it bogs me down.

Fortunately, I don't stay bogged down for long and here I am, smiling, sipping my tea and writing to all nine of my readers (and perhaps even a future, older Benjamin who feels like slogging through the old archives of his dad's ramblings) telling them that yes, life beats you up.  Yes, life is tough, but as long as you have a firm grasp of what it is you love, you won't be able to let it hold you down.

Fall down seven times...

...get up eight.

This week is also a big week:  New release coming out ('Brass Stars' by A.G. Carpenter), Interview, Thanksgiving Prep, Victorian Lost on Saturday night (which I'm totally stoked for).  That's just barring any other issues life tosses our way.

Oh yeah... and I have that $150 million jackpot to win... so you know... no pressure. :)

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!  Have a great week!

~Stephan