Some A-holes are always trying to ice skate uphill!

There’s a specific reason I titled this blogpost after one of my favorite (if cheesy) movies.  It’s germane (one of my favorite words) to my life.  You’ll see why in a bit.

If you’re keeping track at home, you can tell I’ve gone through several jobs over the last few years, on top of some more recent self-discoveries.

I’m here to tell you that, yet again, things have been a bit… well, askew would be a good word.  I recently was denied unemployment benefits after being let go from my most recent job as a “head hunter”.  The feelings I had as I opened the letter and read it… it ranged from anger to depression, desperation to worry (and all the letters in between). 

I’m very lucky, however, to have surrounded myself (both actually and metaphorically) with awesome people and through this, came up with a plan (which set off a whole different level of emotions, which I’ll get to in a moment).

I go to work for Eggplant Literary Productions full time (as full time as I can with a toddler at home) and just hammer out Marketing and Promotions.  I’ve been teaching myself all about social media (thanks to my AWESOME local library with all their tutorials and resources), particularly how it pertains to business.  I go to conventions, talk to people, spread the word and help direct them to our e-books and e-zine. 

It’s funny, because right now, as I write this, I don’t feel any of the hesitation I felt Thursday evening.  I don’t feel any of the fear I felt then.  This is attributed, once again, to the awesome people I have surrounded myself with.  Sometimes it’s so hard to break your perception free from its focus on the negative that you can’t hear that voice inside yourself (not the one that beats you down, but the one that lifts you up, motivates you and tells you that you are awesome) giving you the advice that you’d give someone else in that same situation. 

I was really afraid.  I often say that courage isn’t the lack of fear, but action despite it.  I believe that with every ounce of my being.   That said, I was feeling fear pretty strongly Thursday evening.  I have never really done something like this before, and more importantly, never had anyone dependent upon me like I do now.   This wasn’t just taking a new job.  This was a pretty big paradigm shift. 

I made the reference, posthumously, to my wife that it was like when D&D came out with 3^rd edition.  I had played 2^nd edition for so long, was used to it, familiar with it and even though there was some things I didn’t like about it, I clung to it.   I clung much longer than I should have.  

Once I finally broke down and joined a game, I was hooked.  It was awesome and I wondered why I had waited so long.  Yeah, it feels kind of like that with this.  Over the past week I’ve been working spending my spare time doing Marketing and Promotions for Eggplant as if I were going to be taking a new job soon.  This past week was amazing.  Benvolio was amazing, Charlotte was amazing, Raechel was amazing and it just felt right, though there was some trepidation, some feeling of impermanence. 

I was so focused on that trepidation, that feeling of impermanence that I was blinding myself to what the Universe was showing me, telling me. 

I was trying to ice skate uphill.  I was trying to swim upstream.  I needed to stop it.

So, that’s where I’m at.  I’ve stopped the resistance.  I’ve stopped trying to tell myself that I have to go out and do something else.  I’ve stopped disenchanting myself and turn my energies towards empowerment.

I am not only living this creative life for myself, but also as an example for my daughter, my son and all those people who don’t believe in themselves, or don’t believe it can be done.

It can.  If you believe strongly enough in something, your work toward it will promote change.  I am becoming the change I want to see in the world.  I am helping this company help the world one e-book at a time.

You can too.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Realization

I've been debating writing about this since about noon-ish yesterday.

It's one thing to work hard, it's completely another thing to push yourself past your limits, physically.  I like to think I'm pretty fit.  I work out pretty regularly, I eat pretty decently, and aside from lack of sleep, I'm in pretty good health.

So, when I took this job, I thought, "Yeah, I can do this."

Well I'm here to tell you that, "No, I can't." 

The position I was placed into was called the "hardest in the plant".  I took that with a grain of salt, until I worked it.  There were five of us new starts, and I was the only one put into that position.  The others were put into a different section that had less of a physical demand.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the position.  Sure, there are certain logistical deficiencies, but I'm not writing this to victimize myself.  I knew it would be tough, particularly given my circumstances. I just underestimated how tough it would be in relation TO those circumstances.

I'm here to say I've pushed myself too far (well past the point of pain) and to set an example for the few readers I have (and hopefully the larger numbers in the future) and for my family.  It's ok to recognize your limitations and to accept them. In fact, it makes you that much wiser to know where they are.

Be real.  Admit when you can't do a thing and move on.  Don't dwell on it.  Don't let your thoughts linger on it.  Just because you have limits doesn't mean you're a failure.  It means you're human, and not some fictional, superhuman character from a book.  Be real.  Trust yourself.  Know your limits.  I'm not saying don't test them.  We never know what we can do until we try, but be aware when you've gone too far and acknowledge it.

Yes, I am saying these things as much for myself as for those who read this, but in this realization comes understanding and focus.  Motivation.  Hope.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.

~Stephan