What a week (post-Windycon)!

So, that said, yes, it was a pretty tumultuous week, and not in a good way.  I've emerged... battered, bruised and beaten, but not defeated.  Some problems require a bigger bat and in this case, my bat was made from alcohol, geekery, Chinese food and my lovely wife (no, not like the leg-bone from my wife, or anything like that... OK, so it's not a perfect metaphor, so let's just move on).

It's Sunday, I've got a pot of Earl Grey and I've got some things to say.

I had a great time at WindyCon.  Our party was a success and a lot of fun to boot.  I had a great time walking around as the Janitor handing out our tickets.  I made a ton of Whisky Old-Fashioned (each one by hand, muddling the orange, cherry, sugar cube and bitters) and by 11pm (the party started at 9) we were pretty much out of everything.

As a gauge, I purchased 80 cups. We didn't have any left (and I even refilled several).  I had forgotten how much fun it was to tend bar and I had a blast.

I was able to attend a panel about Small Press and Self Publishing (which I tweeted about very actively during the panel).  I had a great time with it, it was Moderated by an author friend Chris Gerrib ('Pirates of Mars').  One of the panelists was author Paul Erickson ('The Wobbit') and I got the opportunity to see him (in all his hobbit garb) pretty much all weekend long as his booth was diagonal from Eggplant's.

During the panel, I would say that he gave us one of the best pieces of advice I've heard.  It's so simple it's often overlooked. It's so obvious it's easily missed and forgotten.

"Do what you love."

During the past week, I've read interviews, seen footage on youtube and even read the controversy between him and the National Lampoon's book (which is titled the same). If you get a chance, talk to him for five minutes... if you see him at a con, play some Moria Plinko and maybe win some candy or even a discount on his book.

Those four words can be applied to pretty much anything in life.  Though it requires a bit more work.  Finding out what you love is really important. Being honest with yourself about it is another.

Me, I work to live, I don't live to work and believe me... I love to live. So, when circumstances prevent me from doing the things that I refer to as "living" (enjoying time with my wife and family, socializing, gaming... just to name a few) then it bogs me down.

Fortunately, I don't stay bogged down for long and here I am, smiling, sipping my tea and writing to all nine of my readers (and perhaps even a future, older Benjamin who feels like slogging through the old archives of his dad's ramblings) telling them that yes, life beats you up.  Yes, life is tough, but as long as you have a firm grasp of what it is you love, you won't be able to let it hold you down.

Fall down seven times...

...get up eight.

This week is also a big week:  New release coming out ('Brass Stars' by A.G. Carpenter), Interview, Thanksgiving Prep, Victorian Lost on Saturday night (which I'm totally stoked for).  That's just barring any other issues life tosses our way.

Oh yeah... and I have that $150 million jackpot to win... so you know... no pressure. :)

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!  Have a great week!

~Stephan

Yeah, well you know what I have that Lassie doesn't? THUMBS!

So, on that non-sequitur of a title, let's talk about traffic and the philosophical reminder I gave myself.  Follow along! :)

So, I'm taking Ben (whose new statement is (pretty much in response to anything), "We wouldn't want that, would we?") out for the second time this morning to run errands and I encounter (again for the second time this morning) a person who doesn't know how to drive (or, at least, shouldn't be allowed to... in my (not so) humble opinion).

For the second time this morning, a short yet bellicose stream of profanity bursts forth from my lips. For the second time this morning, Ben stops what he's saying and doing and asks, "Are you OK, baby?". It's hard to stay mad when your 2-1/2 year old son asks you that in his "sweet" voice.

Anyroad, I started explaining why I was upset to him, I started on the path of the long diatribe about idiot drivers and stupid people when I realized that, if I continue down this path, it will teach my son nothing about being understanding of others and only instill a sense of negativity.  Also, it will keep me in a negative place and not really help me stay positive.  Instead, the dialogue went something like this (which is really just a recollection of my thinking out loud with commentary from a very smart 2-1/2 year old):

Me:  Well, Ben, I am upset about these drivers not paying attention or following street laws or signs or really knowing what to do when there's a T-intersection with no stop signs.

Ben:  Oh... yeah.? (what I put as his responses my also have been mistaken for burping or drooling noises...)

Me:  (deep breath) So, Ben, in this situation, I have to ask myself what I can do about being upset to help me not be upset anymore. Right?

Ben:  Right.

Me:  So, I have two options in this case: One - I can teach the rest of the world proper driving technique, which includes but is not limited to four way stops and merging... or Two -

Ben:  Three!

Me:  No, Two - I can accept that I can't teach the world how to drive and I can't control how other people drive and so I should embrace this acceptance and let the upset pass... or better yet, not allow it to upset me at all and just accept it.

Ben:  Three! (giggles)

Me:  Way to think outside the parameters, kid.  Seriously though, I need to be able to do this about more stuff... because life is just too short to be upset.

Ben: You happy Dada? (as in father, not the prelude to postmodernist art/theatre)

Me: ...(this gave me pause. How two simple words from a toddler can really hit you in the feels even though you know they have no sense of point of reference)

Ben: You happy Dada? (again, see above)

Me: Yes, Ben. I'm happy.  The trick is how to stay happy. Let's just take this for a life lesson shall we? Let's just accept the things we can't change and in that acceptance, understand that our emotions are valid, feel them, and then let them go and remember the good things, the happy things.  Can you do that?

Ben: Yup.

Me:  Of course you can.  I love you, Ben.

Ben:  I love you too, Dada (again, see above). We goin' to Costco?

Me:  Yup.

So, that's it. In the heat of the moment when you're pissed off because of someone else, accept that they're probably not going to change and in that acceptance, acknowledge your emotion, validate it, then release it and think of a two year old asking if you're happy (or some other thought that brings you joy).

That's it for now... as always, thanks for reading!

~Stephan

Hi-ho, Hi-ho...

So, for those of you keeping track at home (I mean, aside from myself), I've been working locally (for a hair's breadth above a poverty level wage) since about a week after my last post (mid-July). It's been working out pretty well, aside from the income.

All thoughts (and righteously inspired rants) about workers and wages and inherent (and respective)attitudes aside, it's been going pretty OK. I mean, work is work and soon, I'll be eligible for health care coverage, which is the important thing for Ben and for roach (and me too).

I still can't shake this notion about living to work and working to live.  I've always been one to say that I'm not "living to work" I'm "working to live" and that mindset has apparently fallen short with several of my supervisors from my previous jobs (not to mention the "job" vs. "career" idea, but that's for another blog post). For me, my family comes first. They're who I'm living for.

Unfortunately, financial woes always seem to be prevalent and budgeting is becoming, well, let's just say "lean". Given that financial situation, it puts particular parameters on what jobs I can (and am willing to) do (i.e. you can't have a job without a car and  you can't get a car without a job, etc...).

I can't seem to take solace from knowing that I'm not alone in this. The bills are still there no matter how many people are struggling to pay theirs.

I can, however, take solace in my family, the very ones I'm doing this work for, but even all the good feelings in the world (and they do provide such happiness) doesn't change our financial situation.

I've been struggling with the idea of what to do for potential extra income while still maintaining that I work to live (and define what it is I live for).  What I can do.

I've got some notions, some ideas and I'll post more about them as they gestate and slowly prepare themselves to be born (akin to an alien bursting forth from my skull).  One in particular has gripped me pretty firmly, so we'll see after I bounce it around a bit longer.

So, really, the only update I have is that we're all (for the most part) healthy, happy and I'm working (again, locally... like 2 miles away) and Eggplant is gaining momentum.

Alright, thanks for reading and I'll have more within a few days. :)

~Stephan

Change, it would seem, is inevitable.

...and so, I do so, without hesitation.

Not to appear contrary, but once again life has ushered in an opportunity to challenge that which I have stated not three weeks ago.

I had said I am becoming the change I wish to see in the world and I am.  I am a great role model for my daughter and son.  I am a supportive partner both in my marriage and in our business.  I am getting better.

What I am not is able to spontaneously generate enough funds to be able to do that which I set out to do three weeks ago.  I wish I could, but you know how that all works out... some allegory about wishes and horses and hands full of something or other.

In any case, short but sweet, I'm going to continue the promotions and marketing and the exclamation point riddled updates for Eggplant Literary Productions.  I also, however, will be working to obtain full time employment (really doing pretty much anything, as long as it's local and at a rate that will help pay the bills without killing me in the process).

Somewhere in there, I will be working on writing as well. :)

Speaking of, I've dusted off the revised outline of Gravedigger and also started working on an idea for a YA or MG story.  We'll see.

I love this life, I love my family and given the opportunity, I'd do it all over again!

Remember, keep the faith up in yourself (it's easier than belief, since faith doesn't need to be proven :) ), look for the positive, keep your head down and CHARGE!!!!

:)

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Some A-holes are always trying to ice skate uphill!

There’s a specific reason I titled this blogpost after one of my favorite (if cheesy) movies.  It’s germane (one of my favorite words) to my life.  You’ll see why in a bit.

If you’re keeping track at home, you can tell I’ve gone through several jobs over the last few years, on top of some more recent self-discoveries.

I’m here to tell you that, yet again, things have been a bit… well, askew would be a good word.  I recently was denied unemployment benefits after being let go from my most recent job as a “head hunter”.  The feelings I had as I opened the letter and read it… it ranged from anger to depression, desperation to worry (and all the letters in between). 

I’m very lucky, however, to have surrounded myself (both actually and metaphorically) with awesome people and through this, came up with a plan (which set off a whole different level of emotions, which I’ll get to in a moment).

I go to work for Eggplant Literary Productions full time (as full time as I can with a toddler at home) and just hammer out Marketing and Promotions.  I’ve been teaching myself all about social media (thanks to my AWESOME local library with all their tutorials and resources), particularly how it pertains to business.  I go to conventions, talk to people, spread the word and help direct them to our e-books and e-zine. 

It’s funny, because right now, as I write this, I don’t feel any of the hesitation I felt Thursday evening.  I don’t feel any of the fear I felt then.  This is attributed, once again, to the awesome people I have surrounded myself with.  Sometimes it’s so hard to break your perception free from its focus on the negative that you can’t hear that voice inside yourself (not the one that beats you down, but the one that lifts you up, motivates you and tells you that you are awesome) giving you the advice that you’d give someone else in that same situation. 

I was really afraid.  I often say that courage isn’t the lack of fear, but action despite it.  I believe that with every ounce of my being.   That said, I was feeling fear pretty strongly Thursday evening.  I have never really done something like this before, and more importantly, never had anyone dependent upon me like I do now.   This wasn’t just taking a new job.  This was a pretty big paradigm shift. 

I made the reference, posthumously, to my wife that it was like when D&D came out with 3^rd edition.  I had played 2^nd edition for so long, was used to it, familiar with it and even though there was some things I didn’t like about it, I clung to it.   I clung much longer than I should have.  

Once I finally broke down and joined a game, I was hooked.  It was awesome and I wondered why I had waited so long.  Yeah, it feels kind of like that with this.  Over the past week I’ve been working spending my spare time doing Marketing and Promotions for Eggplant as if I were going to be taking a new job soon.  This past week was amazing.  Benvolio was amazing, Charlotte was amazing, Raechel was amazing and it just felt right, though there was some trepidation, some feeling of impermanence. 

I was so focused on that trepidation, that feeling of impermanence that I was blinding myself to what the Universe was showing me, telling me. 

I was trying to ice skate uphill.  I was trying to swim upstream.  I needed to stop it.

So, that’s where I’m at.  I’ve stopped the resistance.  I’ve stopped trying to tell myself that I have to go out and do something else.  I’ve stopped disenchanting myself and turn my energies towards empowerment.

I am not only living this creative life for myself, but also as an example for my daughter, my son and all those people who don’t believe in themselves, or don’t believe it can be done.

It can.  If you believe strongly enough in something, your work toward it will promote change.  I am becoming the change I want to see in the world.  I am helping this company help the world one e-book at a time.

You can too.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Realization

I've been debating writing about this since about noon-ish yesterday.

It's one thing to work hard, it's completely another thing to push yourself past your limits, physically.  I like to think I'm pretty fit.  I work out pretty regularly, I eat pretty decently, and aside from lack of sleep, I'm in pretty good health.

So, when I took this job, I thought, "Yeah, I can do this."

Well I'm here to tell you that, "No, I can't." 

The position I was placed into was called the "hardest in the plant".  I took that with a grain of salt, until I worked it.  There were five of us new starts, and I was the only one put into that position.  The others were put into a different section that had less of a physical demand.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the position.  Sure, there are certain logistical deficiencies, but I'm not writing this to victimize myself.  I knew it would be tough, particularly given my circumstances. I just underestimated how tough it would be in relation TO those circumstances.

I'm here to say I've pushed myself too far (well past the point of pain) and to set an example for the few readers I have (and hopefully the larger numbers in the future) and for my family.  It's ok to recognize your limitations and to accept them. In fact, it makes you that much wiser to know where they are.

Be real.  Admit when you can't do a thing and move on.  Don't dwell on it.  Don't let your thoughts linger on it.  Just because you have limits doesn't mean you're a failure.  It means you're human, and not some fictional, superhuman character from a book.  Be real.  Trust yourself.  Know your limits.  I'm not saying don't test them.  We never know what we can do until we try, but be aware when you've gone too far and acknowledge it.

Yes, I am saying these things as much for myself as for those who read this, but in this realization comes understanding and focus.  Motivation.  Hope.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

Update on the Day Job

So, now that I'm back into the swing of things (hey batta hey batta hey batta batta batta, suWING batta) I have some more light to shed on the life choices:

Through not a small amount of discussion, I've decided that I need to do something local, something easy, but something that pays the bills so that I can devote my free time (when not Benvolio-wrangling) to the stuff that I really want to do (Promotions and Marketing for Eggplant), in the hopes that eventually, the stuff I want to do will be able to take me away from the stuff I have to do.

Savvy?

Anyroad, the position is in a warehouse about two and a half miles away from our house, and I'm called an "Inspector".  Basically it's a heavy lifting, labor intensive position with a company that contracts with the Postal Service.  Even more basically, my job is to make certain these 75 pound bags of mail get sorted in the right bins.  It pays only a few cents less per hour than my previous job as a recruiter through Coworx or Staffmark.

The downside is that it's a complete schedule adjustment for the family.  They've got to now get used to the fact that I'll be leaving home anywhere between 2 to 230 (walking or biking, respectively) in the afternoon and I won't be getting home until probably midnight (if walking or biking) or shortly after.

It will certainly be a speedbump, but hey, I've still got good suspension.  :)

So, more than likely a lot of the online stuff will be between the 12:30 - 2pm time frame.

That's the news.  As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support! :)

~Stephan

How things change, and yet...

So, here it is, an update (which should become more regular in the weeks to come).

My life, as it is, has taken another turn.  I focused on writing while I was unemployed (and for those of you who saw, my wife, Raechel, wrote a story about our situation last year and sent it to Gawker, which was recently posted) and now, am once again unemployed.

I wrote a novel during that time(and as I mentioned before, Courage is not the absence of Fear, but action despite it... and so have left the first chapter up online) and now have some ideas of where to take it in the revision process.

I'm a little wiser (having read some technical books on writing) and a lot more focused now, having had to adapt to life throwing curve-balls.  I mean, I understand that we only get stronger through adversity, but as a (newly found) friend recently said, "Hey universe, I appreciate your help, but I think I'm full up on help... why don't you go help that guy over there for awhile."

I had to do a little (OK, a LOT of) delving, coupled with some research, because I've wandered through life basically without a focus, without a sense of what it is I really wanted to do.  I know there's stuff I like and there's stuff I'm good at, but finding something that blends the two with a strong mixer of being able to pay enough to pay the bills is difficult at best.

So that's where I am.  I'm at that point where I've discovered something that I like to do (namely promotions and marketing a brand I believe in) and something I believe I am good at (talking to people, especially strangers) and have found a brand I believe in (well, three actually, but that's another story).  The trouble is that there's no way to get any of them to a point where they'll pay the bills, particularly right now while I have NO income coming in.

I have been looking and have a few solid leads, but more than likely I'll end up doing something else I'm good at (physical labor) to pay the bills while I work to get to a place in my career where the things I like and am good at will also pay the bills.  Oh yeah, and write.

I've been kind of busy (not counting caring for the family) updating resumes, profiles on all my social media and even gave the blog a face-lift.  I'm excited about the prospect of working to make this my focus, but it does mean I've had to make some sacrifices.

So, here, in a nutshell is my life-plan for the next few months (in relative order of priority):

• Take care of my family (I usually make breakfast every morning so we can all sit down and start our day together)
• Work a 9-5 (estimation) job locally to pay the bills
• Keep up the social media attention and skills
• Work on Eggplant promotions, social media and marketing
• Work on Three Guys on Life writing, promotions, social media and marketing
• Work on my own writing
• Game (I currently have two table-top games that each meet once a month)

It's a good start.  We'll see how it goes over the next month or so.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!!!

Bellicose Dreams:  Not just for writing anymore...

...and we're ROLLING!

First week back, like really back. Huzzah!

Monday Night Writing Session was awesome.  I loved being back there and getting work done on Gravedigger.  It was good to see my friends again as well!  I enjoy the break from writing at home, being out and yet still being productive.  The pervasive scent of coffee mingling with and energizing my creative flow.  Mmmm... coffee.  Right, where was I... yes, productivity.

I was behind and now I'm ahead.  I had slotted to finish my restructuring of Gravedigger by Friday.  Instead I finished it last night.  That means I get to start plugging in the phrases that worked from my rough draft and then write whole new ones for this second draft.  I'm super stoked... the Larry Brooks website (storyfix.com) was really helpful as was the beat sheet format.

So, by February 1st, my goal is to have Gravedigger done and ready for another review.  Then, I get to try my hand at query letters!

Tonight is blogging and Facebooking.  Then tomorrow night, if not the gym then the start on Gravedigger.  Hopefully I can get some work on it this weekend too.

This process has been pretty wild, but I'm starting to get an idea of what I need (and I'll be happier when I don't have to schedule my writing around a day job).

Anyroad, I originally came up with this blog to outline my process in hopes to help others and to document my journey from start to finish.  It's been (and will continue to be) emotional, difficult, a true test to my mental endurance, but it's also been (and will continue to be) rewarding.  Not just for my successes (and there WILL be successes) but also for the successes of those that I help inspire through this blog and through my encouragement.

Keep up the awesome work!

As always, thanks for your support and thanks for reading!

~Stephan

Word... or not, actually.

So, faithful readers, here is my weekly blog-post.  I hope to do more in the future, but now this is it.

So, aside from being knocked down by a stomach bug this week, I also had a change in work schedule mid-week.

I now work something more akin to normal workday hours, giving me more time with the family, and more time for writing.  Also, I'm able to attend the Monday Night Writing sessions again!  Huzzah!  That means more blog updates!

Given the change and the sickness (which I'm all but recovered... still a bit of stomach grumbly), I didn't get accomplished what I wanted to this week with Gravedigger, which was to work the beat sheet structure to completion.

Fortunately, I have all of next week to do that!  Starting with the Monday Night Writing session.

Also, Larry Brooks wrote an awesome blog update over at storyfix.com about the Trifecta of Fiction.  I shared it on my Facebook page and recommend it to all my writer friends!

So, other than that, not much to report, but looking forward to a more productive week next week!

Also, looking forward to having drinks with Matt Darst (author of Dead Things) and Dennis Kuhn coming up in the not too distant future!

As always, thanks for reading!

~Stephan

...and then, Life happened.

So, it's been almost a whole quarter since I've posted a blog entry.  Yeah, right after I posted that last one, I got a job.  It is a stressful job where I joined up right at the busy period, but managed to pull through without losing any appendages (literal, familial or metaphorical).

Now that I have things on a more even (or less turbulent) keel, I will list my plan for 2013 and for the two projects I've started:  Blood Stone, the novel and Gravedigger, the short story.

In the time between their writing/first rough edit, I've digested the book Story Engineering and now have a solid plan on where to go next with these two projects.  Back to the outline, for both.  Not that I'm scrapping the 70K+ words that I've written.  Just that I'm reforging the outline and then taking the material that I have and working it into the spaces of that outline.  Like a puzzle... a hot mess of a puzzle.

So that's the plan.  Starting with the characters, their definitions, their lessons and then the outline (based on those presented by Larry Brooks).

If only I had that book before I started... blah blah blah.

I have it now.  I have the motivation, and I have the scheduled time to do it.

There will be a progress report in about a week's time, since one of my 2013 goals (NOT resolutions... goals) is to write a blog post once a week.

So I look at the stack of paperwork in front of me, the blank beat sheet form and am not feeling at all overwhelmed... I just think, "They've got me surrounded... those poor bastards."

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan