Leading by example

So, as some of you may know, I am a firm believer on leading by example.  If you want to be a leader, then show it.  Practice what you preach.  That's what is getting me through today... Today I'm taking my own advice.

Today my family suffered some setbacks, and it would have been very easy to focus on those, and indeed, I started down that path.  I began choking on the anxiety of all the horrible things that never go right.  I began looking at things as a burden, as things that pull my resources (in all manner of the word).  I began to feel overwhelmed, overburdened and exhausted.  I know a lot of my friends feel that way on a regular basis as well.

Instead of allowing myself to continue on that terrible train of negativity, I stopped.  I took a deep breath.  I acknowledged what I was feeling as valid, but negative, and allowed myself to feel it, then worked on letting it go.  I connected with myself and asked myself what advice I would give a friend who is feeling the same way.  I didn't have to look very far for the answer.

I, again, validated my feelings and then acknowledged them for the negative things they are (realizing that they would be showing me life through a negative lens, showing me all the blessings in my life as burdens).  I showed them the door.

I began to look at life through my lenses of positivity.  I saw the smile of my partner, the love of my life.  I saw the smile of my son, the exuberance of a child at play.  I saw the smile of my daughter (whom I don't view as a step-anything), full of creativity and inspiration.  I saw in those things, not a burden on my person, but a reflection of my positive influence.  I saw love. I saw trust.

It helped, and so I thought it important to share this with you, because anyone can sound like an awesome guru of positive right action when things are going well.  It's when things are starting to go pear-shaped that those convictions are put to the test.

So, long story short (I know, too late... also known as the too long didn't read version): It's easy to view the things in your life as burdens when you encounter obstacles or setbacks.  Recognize your feelings are valid, even the negative ones, and then let them go.  Look for the beauty and good in those things, and it will help banish the habit of viewing the world in a negative light.

It will not only help you survive, but thrive.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

Addicta, septies, ut resurgat octo.

Change and Blame

“We are taught you must blame your father, your sisters, your brothers, the school, the teachers - but never blame yourself. It's never your fault. But it's always your fault, because if you wanted to change you're the one who has got to change.”

― Katharine Hepburn


I don't think this is entirely true. I do agree, however, our societal environment raises us to look for blame, for the most part.  When something happens, it's always somebody's fault.  Looking for blame eases our conscious and allows us to accept the negative, which I think is a bad habit to get into.  

I have this philosophy and most of you who are reading this have already heard it:

If you look hard enough for something, you'll find it. 

With the rage of TV therapists and such coming to a near end, we've already seen the results of a more confrontational approach to self-betterment. Again, even that statement sounds as if someone is at fault for implying we're somehow inadequate or inferior. 

Not that everything they say is invalid, but the concept of blame is one that I truly don't believe in.  

It's about what you're looking for.  

So, instead of looking for blame about your situation, look for forgiveness, starting with yourself.  Most of us are overly hard on ourselves as it is, so adding this to it is, I believe, utterly unnecessary.  I mean, I understand this quote was taken out of context and about empowerment, but we need to empower ourselves in a way that promotes positive emotions, love and acceptance. 

It's hard enough to change a habit, particularly one that's been drilled into you since forever, but every path to change starts with a single step.  The trick is to keep stepping. 

Be kind to yourself, love yourself, be true to yourself, forgive yourself and then look for ways to instill that in others (usually by showing by example). 

You are loved.  

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

On Service

So, I have a quote here that I think is valid and, as usual, have my own tidbit to add:


“To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.”


― Douglas Adams


So, to my friends, you know I have sincerity and integrity and it's a good thing too, since I have like, no money.


Seriously though, it's true, a lot of times we get wrapped up in things we want to purchase, things other people have, that it becomes really easy to miss the good things, like a friend who is genuinely trying to help. Of course, the other side of that coin is that while one can appreciate the goodwill of a genuine friend, it does little to help feed a hungry tummy.


Really, what I'm trying to say with this are two things:


One - remember to step outside yourself and look at what's actually happening around you and what you have that's not quantifiable by money.


Two - remember that what you are trying to do to help someone, while it may be genuine and sincere, may not be what that person needs.


I'm thankful to have tons of loving, caring, genuine friends and hope that you all have a wonderful night (which, by the way, was a perfect night here in Illinois for a bonfire and playing in the back yard with the kids and boffer swords)!


Addicta , septies , ut resurgat octo.


Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

Where does the time go?

Looking at the date of my last post, I am almost floored.  I mean, I knew in the back of my mind that it had been awhile since I blogged anything.  Seriously though, ten months.  It seems like Windy Con was only like last month.  I still remember the sound of conversation in our room as I muddled through making an Old Fashioned here and a Rum Punch there. 

Well, a lot has changed, and yet, a lot hasn't. I'm a bit older and, I'd like to think wiser.  I'm still sleep deprived, but that's a state I'm adapting to.  I've also written very little. A shame. 

So, here I am again, staring at the screen as my fingers type this message to the handful of people who will read this (which is a fib, in actuality I'm writing this for myself).  

I've made declarations in the past and fell through with them.  I wanted to be writing more, posting regular updates, but always found a reason to not. Then work got in the way. 

So now, I'll just start with this one. This one small post with hope for the future. Despite the violent title, I want this blog to be a place that a person can stumble upon in search of a lift, a bit of encouragement, and perhaps something to help them along their path. 

We'll see what I can do.  

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

What a week (post-Windycon)!

So, that said, yes, it was a pretty tumultuous week, and not in a good way.  I've emerged... battered, bruised and beaten, but not defeated.  Some problems require a bigger bat and in this case, my bat was made from alcohol, geekery, Chinese food and my lovely wife (no, not like the leg-bone from my wife, or anything like that... OK, so it's not a perfect metaphor, so let's just move on).

It's Sunday, I've got a pot of Earl Grey and I've got some things to say.

I had a great time at WindyCon.  Our party was a success and a lot of fun to boot.  I had a great time walking around as the Janitor handing out our tickets.  I made a ton of Whisky Old-Fashioned (each one by hand, muddling the orange, cherry, sugar cube and bitters) and by 11pm (the party started at 9) we were pretty much out of everything.

As a gauge, I purchased 80 cups. We didn't have any left (and I even refilled several).  I had forgotten how much fun it was to tend bar and I had a blast.

I was able to attend a panel about Small Press and Self Publishing (which I tweeted about very actively during the panel).  I had a great time with it, it was Moderated by an author friend Chris Gerrib ('Pirates of Mars').  One of the panelists was author Paul Erickson ('The Wobbit') and I got the opportunity to see him (in all his hobbit garb) pretty much all weekend long as his booth was diagonal from Eggplant's.

During the panel, I would say that he gave us one of the best pieces of advice I've heard.  It's so simple it's often overlooked. It's so obvious it's easily missed and forgotten.

"Do what you love."

During the past week, I've read interviews, seen footage on youtube and even read the controversy between him and the National Lampoon's book (which is titled the same). If you get a chance, talk to him for five minutes... if you see him at a con, play some Moria Plinko and maybe win some candy or even a discount on his book.

Those four words can be applied to pretty much anything in life.  Though it requires a bit more work.  Finding out what you love is really important. Being honest with yourself about it is another.

Me, I work to live, I don't live to work and believe me... I love to live. So, when circumstances prevent me from doing the things that I refer to as "living" (enjoying time with my wife and family, socializing, gaming... just to name a few) then it bogs me down.

Fortunately, I don't stay bogged down for long and here I am, smiling, sipping my tea and writing to all nine of my readers (and perhaps even a future, older Benjamin who feels like slogging through the old archives of his dad's ramblings) telling them that yes, life beats you up.  Yes, life is tough, but as long as you have a firm grasp of what it is you love, you won't be able to let it hold you down.

Fall down seven times...

...get up eight.

This week is also a big week:  New release coming out ('Brass Stars' by A.G. Carpenter), Interview, Thanksgiving Prep, Victorian Lost on Saturday night (which I'm totally stoked for).  That's just barring any other issues life tosses our way.

Oh yeah... and I have that $150 million jackpot to win... so you know... no pressure. :)

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!  Have a great week!

~Stephan

Yeah, well you know what I have that Lassie doesn't? THUMBS!

So, on that non-sequitur of a title, let's talk about traffic and the philosophical reminder I gave myself.  Follow along! :)

So, I'm taking Ben (whose new statement is (pretty much in response to anything), "We wouldn't want that, would we?") out for the second time this morning to run errands and I encounter (again for the second time this morning) a person who doesn't know how to drive (or, at least, shouldn't be allowed to... in my (not so) humble opinion).

For the second time this morning, a short yet bellicose stream of profanity bursts forth from my lips. For the second time this morning, Ben stops what he's saying and doing and asks, "Are you OK, baby?". It's hard to stay mad when your 2-1/2 year old son asks you that in his "sweet" voice.

Anyroad, I started explaining why I was upset to him, I started on the path of the long diatribe about idiot drivers and stupid people when I realized that, if I continue down this path, it will teach my son nothing about being understanding of others and only instill a sense of negativity.  Also, it will keep me in a negative place and not really help me stay positive.  Instead, the dialogue went something like this (which is really just a recollection of my thinking out loud with commentary from a very smart 2-1/2 year old):

Me:  Well, Ben, I am upset about these drivers not paying attention or following street laws or signs or really knowing what to do when there's a T-intersection with no stop signs.

Ben:  Oh... yeah.? (what I put as his responses my also have been mistaken for burping or drooling noises...)

Me:  (deep breath) So, Ben, in this situation, I have to ask myself what I can do about being upset to help me not be upset anymore. Right?

Ben:  Right.

Me:  So, I have two options in this case: One - I can teach the rest of the world proper driving technique, which includes but is not limited to four way stops and merging... or Two -

Ben:  Three!

Me:  No, Two - I can accept that I can't teach the world how to drive and I can't control how other people drive and so I should embrace this acceptance and let the upset pass... or better yet, not allow it to upset me at all and just accept it.

Ben:  Three! (giggles)

Me:  Way to think outside the parameters, kid.  Seriously though, I need to be able to do this about more stuff... because life is just too short to be upset.

Ben: You happy Dada? (as in father, not the prelude to postmodernist art/theatre)

Me: ...(this gave me pause. How two simple words from a toddler can really hit you in the feels even though you know they have no sense of point of reference)

Ben: You happy Dada? (again, see above)

Me: Yes, Ben. I'm happy.  The trick is how to stay happy. Let's just take this for a life lesson shall we? Let's just accept the things we can't change and in that acceptance, understand that our emotions are valid, feel them, and then let them go and remember the good things, the happy things.  Can you do that?

Ben: Yup.

Me:  Of course you can.  I love you, Ben.

Ben:  I love you too, Dada (again, see above). We goin' to Costco?

Me:  Yup.

So, that's it. In the heat of the moment when you're pissed off because of someone else, accept that they're probably not going to change and in that acceptance, acknowledge your emotion, validate it, then release it and think of a two year old asking if you're happy (or some other thought that brings you joy).

That's it for now... as always, thanks for reading!

~Stephan

Hi-ho, Hi-ho...

So, for those of you keeping track at home (I mean, aside from myself), I've been working locally (for a hair's breadth above a poverty level wage) since about a week after my last post (mid-July). It's been working out pretty well, aside from the income.

All thoughts (and righteously inspired rants) about workers and wages and inherent (and respective)attitudes aside, it's been going pretty OK. I mean, work is work and soon, I'll be eligible for health care coverage, which is the important thing for Ben and for roach (and me too).

I still can't shake this notion about living to work and working to live.  I've always been one to say that I'm not "living to work" I'm "working to live" and that mindset has apparently fallen short with several of my supervisors from my previous jobs (not to mention the "job" vs. "career" idea, but that's for another blog post). For me, my family comes first. They're who I'm living for.

Unfortunately, financial woes always seem to be prevalent and budgeting is becoming, well, let's just say "lean". Given that financial situation, it puts particular parameters on what jobs I can (and am willing to) do (i.e. you can't have a job without a car and  you can't get a car without a job, etc...).

I can't seem to take solace from knowing that I'm not alone in this. The bills are still there no matter how many people are struggling to pay theirs.

I can, however, take solace in my family, the very ones I'm doing this work for, but even all the good feelings in the world (and they do provide such happiness) doesn't change our financial situation.

I've been struggling with the idea of what to do for potential extra income while still maintaining that I work to live (and define what it is I live for).  What I can do.

I've got some notions, some ideas and I'll post more about them as they gestate and slowly prepare themselves to be born (akin to an alien bursting forth from my skull).  One in particular has gripped me pretty firmly, so we'll see after I bounce it around a bit longer.

So, really, the only update I have is that we're all (for the most part) healthy, happy and I'm working (again, locally... like 2 miles away) and Eggplant is gaining momentum.

Alright, thanks for reading and I'll have more within a few days. :)

~Stephan

Change, it would seem, is inevitable.

...and so, I do so, without hesitation.

Not to appear contrary, but once again life has ushered in an opportunity to challenge that which I have stated not three weeks ago.

I had said I am becoming the change I wish to see in the world and I am.  I am a great role model for my daughter and son.  I am a supportive partner both in my marriage and in our business.  I am getting better.

What I am not is able to spontaneously generate enough funds to be able to do that which I set out to do three weeks ago.  I wish I could, but you know how that all works out... some allegory about wishes and horses and hands full of something or other.

In any case, short but sweet, I'm going to continue the promotions and marketing and the exclamation point riddled updates for Eggplant Literary Productions.  I also, however, will be working to obtain full time employment (really doing pretty much anything, as long as it's local and at a rate that will help pay the bills without killing me in the process).

Somewhere in there, I will be working on writing as well. :)

Speaking of, I've dusted off the revised outline of Gravedigger and also started working on an idea for a YA or MG story.  We'll see.

I love this life, I love my family and given the opportunity, I'd do it all over again!

Remember, keep the faith up in yourself (it's easier than belief, since faith doesn't need to be proven :) ), look for the positive, keep your head down and CHARGE!!!!

:)

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Some A-holes are always trying to ice skate uphill!

There’s a specific reason I titled this blogpost after one of my favorite (if cheesy) movies.  It’s germane (one of my favorite words) to my life.  You’ll see why in a bit.

If you’re keeping track at home, you can tell I’ve gone through several jobs over the last few years, on top of some more recent self-discoveries.

I’m here to tell you that, yet again, things have been a bit… well, askew would be a good word.  I recently was denied unemployment benefits after being let go from my most recent job as a “head hunter”.  The feelings I had as I opened the letter and read it… it ranged from anger to depression, desperation to worry (and all the letters in between). 

I’m very lucky, however, to have surrounded myself (both actually and metaphorically) with awesome people and through this, came up with a plan (which set off a whole different level of emotions, which I’ll get to in a moment).

I go to work for Eggplant Literary Productions full time (as full time as I can with a toddler at home) and just hammer out Marketing and Promotions.  I’ve been teaching myself all about social media (thanks to my AWESOME local library with all their tutorials and resources), particularly how it pertains to business.  I go to conventions, talk to people, spread the word and help direct them to our e-books and e-zine. 

It’s funny, because right now, as I write this, I don’t feel any of the hesitation I felt Thursday evening.  I don’t feel any of the fear I felt then.  This is attributed, once again, to the awesome people I have surrounded myself with.  Sometimes it’s so hard to break your perception free from its focus on the negative that you can’t hear that voice inside yourself (not the one that beats you down, but the one that lifts you up, motivates you and tells you that you are awesome) giving you the advice that you’d give someone else in that same situation. 

I was really afraid.  I often say that courage isn’t the lack of fear, but action despite it.  I believe that with every ounce of my being.   That said, I was feeling fear pretty strongly Thursday evening.  I have never really done something like this before, and more importantly, never had anyone dependent upon me like I do now.   This wasn’t just taking a new job.  This was a pretty big paradigm shift. 

I made the reference, posthumously, to my wife that it was like when D&D came out with 3^rd edition.  I had played 2^nd edition for so long, was used to it, familiar with it and even though there was some things I didn’t like about it, I clung to it.   I clung much longer than I should have.  

Once I finally broke down and joined a game, I was hooked.  It was awesome and I wondered why I had waited so long.  Yeah, it feels kind of like that with this.  Over the past week I’ve been working spending my spare time doing Marketing and Promotions for Eggplant as if I were going to be taking a new job soon.  This past week was amazing.  Benvolio was amazing, Charlotte was amazing, Raechel was amazing and it just felt right, though there was some trepidation, some feeling of impermanence. 

I was so focused on that trepidation, that feeling of impermanence that I was blinding myself to what the Universe was showing me, telling me. 

I was trying to ice skate uphill.  I was trying to swim upstream.  I needed to stop it.

So, that’s where I’m at.  I’ve stopped the resistance.  I’ve stopped trying to tell myself that I have to go out and do something else.  I’ve stopped disenchanting myself and turn my energies towards empowerment.

I am not only living this creative life for myself, but also as an example for my daughter, my son and all those people who don’t believe in themselves, or don’t believe it can be done.

It can.  If you believe strongly enough in something, your work toward it will promote change.  I am becoming the change I want to see in the world.  I am helping this company help the world one e-book at a time.

You can too.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Realization

I've been debating writing about this since about noon-ish yesterday.

It's one thing to work hard, it's completely another thing to push yourself past your limits, physically.  I like to think I'm pretty fit.  I work out pretty regularly, I eat pretty decently, and aside from lack of sleep, I'm in pretty good health.

So, when I took this job, I thought, "Yeah, I can do this."

Well I'm here to tell you that, "No, I can't." 

The position I was placed into was called the "hardest in the plant".  I took that with a grain of salt, until I worked it.  There were five of us new starts, and I was the only one put into that position.  The others were put into a different section that had less of a physical demand.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the position.  Sure, there are certain logistical deficiencies, but I'm not writing this to victimize myself.  I knew it would be tough, particularly given my circumstances. I just underestimated how tough it would be in relation TO those circumstances.

I'm here to say I've pushed myself too far (well past the point of pain) and to set an example for the few readers I have (and hopefully the larger numbers in the future) and for my family.  It's ok to recognize your limitations and to accept them. In fact, it makes you that much wiser to know where they are.

Be real.  Admit when you can't do a thing and move on.  Don't dwell on it.  Don't let your thoughts linger on it.  Just because you have limits doesn't mean you're a failure.  It means you're human, and not some fictional, superhuman character from a book.  Be real.  Trust yourself.  Know your limits.  I'm not saying don't test them.  We never know what we can do until we try, but be aware when you've gone too far and acknowledge it.

Yes, I am saying these things as much for myself as for those who read this, but in this realization comes understanding and focus.  Motivation.  Hope.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

Update on the Day Job

So, now that I'm back into the swing of things (hey batta hey batta hey batta batta batta, suWING batta) I have some more light to shed on the life choices:

Through not a small amount of discussion, I've decided that I need to do something local, something easy, but something that pays the bills so that I can devote my free time (when not Benvolio-wrangling) to the stuff that I really want to do (Promotions and Marketing for Eggplant), in the hopes that eventually, the stuff I want to do will be able to take me away from the stuff I have to do.

Savvy?

Anyroad, the position is in a warehouse about two and a half miles away from our house, and I'm called an "Inspector".  Basically it's a heavy lifting, labor intensive position with a company that contracts with the Postal Service.  Even more basically, my job is to make certain these 75 pound bags of mail get sorted in the right bins.  It pays only a few cents less per hour than my previous job as a recruiter through Coworx or Staffmark.

The downside is that it's a complete schedule adjustment for the family.  They've got to now get used to the fact that I'll be leaving home anywhere between 2 to 230 (walking or biking, respectively) in the afternoon and I won't be getting home until probably midnight (if walking or biking) or shortly after.

It will certainly be a speedbump, but hey, I've still got good suspension.  :)

So, more than likely a lot of the online stuff will be between the 12:30 - 2pm time frame.

That's the news.  As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support! :)

~Stephan

How things change, and yet...

So, here it is, an update (which should become more regular in the weeks to come).

My life, as it is, has taken another turn.  I focused on writing while I was unemployed (and for those of you who saw, my wife, Raechel, wrote a story about our situation last year and sent it to Gawker, which was recently posted) and now, am once again unemployed.

I wrote a novel during that time(and as I mentioned before, Courage is not the absence of Fear, but action despite it... and so have left the first chapter up online) and now have some ideas of where to take it in the revision process.

I'm a little wiser (having read some technical books on writing) and a lot more focused now, having had to adapt to life throwing curve-balls.  I mean, I understand that we only get stronger through adversity, but as a (newly found) friend recently said, "Hey universe, I appreciate your help, but I think I'm full up on help... why don't you go help that guy over there for awhile."

I had to do a little (OK, a LOT of) delving, coupled with some research, because I've wandered through life basically without a focus, without a sense of what it is I really wanted to do.  I know there's stuff I like and there's stuff I'm good at, but finding something that blends the two with a strong mixer of being able to pay enough to pay the bills is difficult at best.

So that's where I am.  I'm at that point where I've discovered something that I like to do (namely promotions and marketing a brand I believe in) and something I believe I am good at (talking to people, especially strangers) and have found a brand I believe in (well, three actually, but that's another story).  The trouble is that there's no way to get any of them to a point where they'll pay the bills, particularly right now while I have NO income coming in.

I have been looking and have a few solid leads, but more than likely I'll end up doing something else I'm good at (physical labor) to pay the bills while I work to get to a place in my career where the things I like and am good at will also pay the bills.  Oh yeah, and write.

I've been kind of busy (not counting caring for the family) updating resumes, profiles on all my social media and even gave the blog a face-lift.  I'm excited about the prospect of working to make this my focus, but it does mean I've had to make some sacrifices.

So, here, in a nutshell is my life-plan for the next few months (in relative order of priority):

• Take care of my family (I usually make breakfast every morning so we can all sit down and start our day together)
• Work a 9-5 (estimation) job locally to pay the bills
• Keep up the social media attention and skills
• Work on Eggplant promotions, social media and marketing
• Work on Three Guys on Life writing, promotions, social media and marketing
• Work on my own writing
• Game (I currently have two table-top games that each meet once a month)

It's a good start.  We'll see how it goes over the next month or so.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!!!

Bellicose Dreams:  Not just for writing anymore...

...and we're ROLLING!

First week back, like really back. Huzzah!

Monday Night Writing Session was awesome.  I loved being back there and getting work done on Gravedigger.  It was good to see my friends again as well!  I enjoy the break from writing at home, being out and yet still being productive.  The pervasive scent of coffee mingling with and energizing my creative flow.  Mmmm... coffee.  Right, where was I... yes, productivity.

I was behind and now I'm ahead.  I had slotted to finish my restructuring of Gravedigger by Friday.  Instead I finished it last night.  That means I get to start plugging in the phrases that worked from my rough draft and then write whole new ones for this second draft.  I'm super stoked... the Larry Brooks website (storyfix.com) was really helpful as was the beat sheet format.

So, by February 1st, my goal is to have Gravedigger done and ready for another review.  Then, I get to try my hand at query letters!

Tonight is blogging and Facebooking.  Then tomorrow night, if not the gym then the start on Gravedigger.  Hopefully I can get some work on it this weekend too.

This process has been pretty wild, but I'm starting to get an idea of what I need (and I'll be happier when I don't have to schedule my writing around a day job).

Anyroad, I originally came up with this blog to outline my process in hopes to help others and to document my journey from start to finish.  It's been (and will continue to be) emotional, difficult, a true test to my mental endurance, but it's also been (and will continue to be) rewarding.  Not just for my successes (and there WILL be successes) but also for the successes of those that I help inspire through this blog and through my encouragement.

Keep up the awesome work!

As always, thanks for your support and thanks for reading!

~Stephan

Word... or not, actually.

So, faithful readers, here is my weekly blog-post.  I hope to do more in the future, but now this is it.

So, aside from being knocked down by a stomach bug this week, I also had a change in work schedule mid-week.

I now work something more akin to normal workday hours, giving me more time with the family, and more time for writing.  Also, I'm able to attend the Monday Night Writing sessions again!  Huzzah!  That means more blog updates!

Given the change and the sickness (which I'm all but recovered... still a bit of stomach grumbly), I didn't get accomplished what I wanted to this week with Gravedigger, which was to work the beat sheet structure to completion.

Fortunately, I have all of next week to do that!  Starting with the Monday Night Writing session.

Also, Larry Brooks wrote an awesome blog update over at storyfix.com about the Trifecta of Fiction.  I shared it on my Facebook page and recommend it to all my writer friends!

So, other than that, not much to report, but looking forward to a more productive week next week!

Also, looking forward to having drinks with Matt Darst (author of Dead Things) and Dennis Kuhn coming up in the not too distant future!

As always, thanks for reading!

~Stephan

...and then, Life happened.

So, it's been almost a whole quarter since I've posted a blog entry.  Yeah, right after I posted that last one, I got a job.  It is a stressful job where I joined up right at the busy period, but managed to pull through without losing any appendages (literal, familial or metaphorical).

Now that I have things on a more even (or less turbulent) keel, I will list my plan for 2013 and for the two projects I've started:  Blood Stone, the novel and Gravedigger, the short story.

In the time between their writing/first rough edit, I've digested the book Story Engineering and now have a solid plan on where to go next with these two projects.  Back to the outline, for both.  Not that I'm scrapping the 70K+ words that I've written.  Just that I'm reforging the outline and then taking the material that I have and working it into the spaces of that outline.  Like a puzzle... a hot mess of a puzzle.

So that's the plan.  Starting with the characters, their definitions, their lessons and then the outline (based on those presented by Larry Brooks).

If only I had that book before I started... blah blah blah.

I have it now.  I have the motivation, and I have the scheduled time to do it.

There will be a progress report in about a week's time, since one of my 2013 goals (NOT resolutions... goals) is to write a blog post once a week.

So I look at the stack of paperwork in front of me, the blank beat sheet form and am not feeling at all overwhelmed... I just think, "They've got me surrounded... those poor bastards."

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan

Back in the Saddle

Alright, so I'm back in the proverbial saddle again.  Got a real-life jolt that put things into perspective, which is always a good thing.

Blood Stone is going to be edited and needs a lot of work, but that's fine.  It's already written (as the beginning of a trilogy).

I am reading two really good books (at the suggestion of author Randy Henderson):  'Book Life' by Jeff Vandermeer and 'Story Engineering' by Larry Brooks.  In retrospect, I wish I would have read those before writing Blood Stone, but meh, if wishes were horses, right?

Anyroad, I've decided to use some of my new found knowledge (from those books) to write some short fiction.  I just finished a short work entitled 'Gravedigger' and will have it hopefully revised by the end of next week so that I can start trying my hand at Query Letters and Submissions (you can tell they're important... I used capital letters).  :)

Monday nights are still going strong, though the crowd has thinned due to work or school commitments.  Still, my hetero life-mate Evil Dennis and I are pushing through the drop in attendance.

So, that's it for an update, more next week!

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support!

~Stephan (aka Baldbeasty)

Chicon 7 WOW

Hey all,

    I know, it's been like a month since I made a blog entry.

Sooo... how have you all been?  Good, good.

Anyroad, I just got back from Chicon and wow.  It was pretty amazing.  I was able to attend a panel which had a great array of authors as well as had coffee with another awesome author (Randy Henderson), who gave me a LOT of info and pointers.

I also sent my application in to join Barfleet.  Fingers crossed. :)

Last I heard there were at least 6200 attendees, so, you know, lots and lots of people.

We only had one issue and that was when we were put on a party floor (which did not sit well with any of the residents of our room, particularly the guy with the migraine aka me, or the Benvolio, who took an hour and a half to put down that night).  So, we had to change rooms in the middle of our night on Friday, but still, it worked out pretty good.

What was awesome was seeing a lot of the authors I'd met earlier, like Matt Forbeck and Jim Hines.  Congrats Jim, for winning a Hugo!

I also got to meet and chat with one of my favorite author/bloggers:  Chuck Wendig.  He signed (again) a copy of his book for me and personalized it for me.  How he does that is by predicting how you're going to die.  Me, I'm going to get chewed up by an artificially intelligent lawn mower.  Awesome.  It was great to meet him.

I also saw the line for the George R.R. Martin autograph session.  I saw him as well.

So that was about it.  I found more motivation (behind the curtain in our room) and have renewed my focus. I know now that I need to be either reading about how to be a better writer, or writing.  When I'm not working on my family or my health or Eggplant.    :)

So, that's an update, probably will be more next week when I talk about my short fiction project, 'Gravedigger'.

Thanks for reading and thanks for your support!  :)

~Stephan

Blood Stone update and first chapter

Holy CRAP but it's been a long time since I posted.

Anyroad, it's been an arduous journey (and it's not over yet) but one of love.  I'm full of all kinds of tumultuous emotions right now.  I just finished the edit on my draft of Blood Stone.  I've included the first chapter, below, for those that are interested in it.  Keep in mind that there will probably be a few more edits so the chapter you read below may not be the chapter that's in the final and I'm open to criticisms and comments (though please keep them constructive and germane).

Thanks to my friends in the Monday Night Writing Sessions for putting up with my maniacal laughter and constant reading aloud passages to them.  Dennis, Googs, Dana, I appreciate your ear (and patience).

To all my friends, thanks for your support and to my wife and family, thanks for believing in me.  I know it's not over, and I've still got a lot to do, but to come this far wouldn't have been possible without your faith and belief.

OK, enough sappiness, on with the fiction:

---

Blood Stone  by Stephan Kelly

Chapter One

"No."  

Years of state ordered therapy and foster care granted me the ability to show a distinct lack of emotion on my face as I spoke, even while the word carried with it a weight of weary denial.  This was a pretty commonly used talent for me, particularly in my current situation.  My foster parents call me Ricky, which I hated and my high school principal calls me Richard, which I also hated.  It was with the latter that I found myself in a discussion with.

"So you're saying you did NOT provoke Mister... Cavanaugh and Mister... Richmond to throw a wastebasket across a school hallway filled with students?"  Principal Bailey was what I would call an 'experienced' principal.  He had been around long enough to know most of the stunts and lies students told and yet had not been around so long that his stress level rose high enough to give him any health problems.  Yet.  Still, he dropped his glasses on his desk and massaged the spot between his eyes.

"You are correct, Principal Bailey," I said with the same malaise.  

"Richard," the exasperation in Principal Bailey's voice was evident and he still hadn't raised his head, opened his eyes or retrieved his glasses from the desk, so he didn’t notice my cringe at his use of my name.  "You have been in my office three times over the past month.  It's April.  Spring Break is only a week away.  Now I have twenty statements from other students saying that..." and at this point, Principal Bailey opened his eyes, replaced his glasses, ran a hand over his bald head and looked at the stack of papers on his desk, sighing.  He grabbed one, seemingly at random and began reading it.

"...Rick was harassing Russ and Brock, saying awful things about their mothers and other family members."  Principal Bailey looked up from the paper and stared over his round-rimmed glasses that were resting on his nose, at Rick.

"No."  That same tone, that same blank expression, that same weary denial.  

"Look, I don't have any proof other than that all these statements appear to coincide, and I am not so ignorant that I don't recognize that all of these statements are from associates of Mr. Cavanaugh and Mr. Richmond.  Fortunately for you no one was hurt, otherwise there would be serious repercussions."

"Whatever." Again, no reaction but the distant voice.  

"Richard!  Unless you want to spend the entirety of your Spring Break doing nothing but dust-mopping the whole of this school, repeatedly, you will stop causing trouble and start behaving yourself.  I do NOT want to see you in my office again this month, is that understood?"

"Yeah."  My response was quick, too quick and it only further angered Principal Bailey, which was evidenced by the redness of his face that rapidly spread over his entire bare scalp.

"OUT!"

I quickly made my way with my hood up and head down.  It may have been April, but in Michigan, the spring can be as cold as the winter.  There were still small piles of snow on the ground, and the sky was gray and overcast, threatening snow.

Putting my ear buds in, I stopped at the vending machine for a few bags of corn chips and a soda and went outside.  Not even paying any attention to the group lingering on the steps just outside the main door I pulled my hood down further over my face and stalked to the bike rack.  In a few moments, I was pedaling away down the road.

More than a few miles later and I was no where near home.  Sure, it took me nearly an hour to get here, but it's the only place I really felt safe.  I coasted down the final hill toward the two towering structures, each separated by over a hundred yards of ruins.  As usual, I ignored the 'No Trespassing' sign and shot down the dirt path toward the further of the two buildings, which was adjacent to the small lake.  Mist hung low over the water and the slopping mud as my tires sloshed through it, making the downhill path a bit treacherous.  Still, in the dusk at the end of the day the sight brought me some semblance of calm.

Once at the bottom of the hill, instead of taking the muddy path around the site, and right past a neighboring farmhouse with nosy residents, I dismounted and walked my bike straight for the ruins.  Even though I knew the way well enough to navigate in the darkening nebulous environs, I also knew that there were things here I’ve yet to see and a misstep could land me in a silo below ground.

Rumor had it that this place was a cement factory that mined underground six or seven levels.  All at once they broke the water table and flooded all but the first sub level, killing hundreds of workers.  That was back in the Seventies, and they closed it down and knocked all but the two tallest buildings down, for safety reasons.  They also took out the first section of ladders that went to the top of the buildings, but some inventive youths tied ropes to the next highest section and let it hang down for those that would seek out such heights.

I glanced back at the ninety foot tall towering silo that some brave soul had hung halfway down and painted in giant letters, "Jesus Saves" and smiled, the first sign of any genuine emotion to cross my face since before school started that day.  I stopped at a piece of concrete jutting from the ruins and knelt down to tie my shoe.  My eyes fell on the discoloration of freshly moved earth near my left foot and something oddly shaped grabbed my attention.  A small stone circle with a hole in the middle on a leather cord.  It looked old and the leather looked like it could have been stained, but it was hard to tell in the deepening dusk.  Sure, I usually find things like broken tools or pieces of things one would find in a broken down old factory, but not usually by happenstance and not like this.  This had a personal feel about it.  Shrugging, I pocketed it like I had done with so many other trinkets I had found here and without any further thought to it, I continued on my way.

Looking ahead I saw the familiar tri-silo building squatting at the base of the small lake.  This building was harder to get to the top of, but not impossible.  It just took a bit of courage.  Still smiling, I locked his bike to the skeleton of a tree that protruded from the ground between the building and the lake.  The tree had its branches touching both lake and building and I climbed up the twenty feet to one such outstretched branch.  Even though I’d done this a hundred times, I still took care as I balanced on the branch. I took two large steps and leaped toward the building, reaching for and grabbing a rusty metal railing of the walkway that jutted out like an odd growth on a perfectly rounded silo.  I pulled himself up and over and then stalked inside the yawning doorway.  

Once inside the vacant structure, I glanced down the thirty feet to the floor of the old workspace and noticed a few tracks and some remnants that were usually stacked up, knocked over.  Probably some local kids trying to get up where I was.  I allowed myself a gloating chuckle before I ascended the rusty metal stairway to the roof access.  

I kicked open the door and at last I arrived at my sanctuary.  The roof was flat, save for an old pump shed made from galvanized metal that leaned something terrible.  I approached the edge and looked out over the ruins with sigh-worthy nostalgia.  Not as tall as its counterpart across the way, it still had a commanding view of what used to be a thriving workplace.  Not that any of that really mattered to me.  All that mattered was that it was quiet, it was not school and it was not home.  

The evening set in sooner than I would have liked no thanks to my meeting with Principal Bailey.  Not wanting to waste any more time getting upset about either school or home, I sat in my usual spot, on an old bleacher cushion, dangled my legs precariously over the side.  

I pulled out my makeshift dinner and munched away, sat and watched, allowing my eyes to get adjusted to the darkening sky.  The ruins faded into the shadow of night and all of a sudden, my ear buds beeped at me a sound that informed me that my battery was about to die.  "Great" I whispered to myself and with a frown I put them away and contented myself to sit and watch the night descend.  I listened to nothing but the slight breeze, the creak of the old tree near the lake and the distant sounds of the highway nearby.

I’m not really what you would call a nature guy and so didn't really appreciate not having my music to pull my consciousness from the reality of where I was and what I hated about my life.  In other words, it didn’t really make me happy, but it did allow me to hear things I wouldn’t have otherwise.  Like the sound of rubble being moved.

The wind all but ceased to blow and the quiet that surrounded the ruins was almost invasive.  It sent a shiver down my spine, so I sat, shivered and listened.  I nodded to myself in the conclusion that there was definitely something out there, but the near darkness in the ruins obscured my vision.  

"SONUVA..." came a deep southern drawl from somewhere within the ruins and instantly I held my breath.  Here I was, sitting on the edge of this tower, thinking I was alone.  I mean, I certainly hadn't seen anyone when I first got here or after I took my seat here on the roof.  

Shortly after the first disruption, a roar ripped through the silence.  I blinked as I watched a large shadow move in an arc and then a loud crash as if two very large stones were smashed together.

OK, at this point I wanted to leave, but couldn't bring myself to move.  Half out of curiosity and half out of fear, I watched and waited.  

There was silence for a long time, but then, closer to the building I was sitting upon, I heard it.  A sniffing sound, directly underneath where my feet are dangling over the edge.  Sure it's fifty feet down, but there's still something unnerving about that sound.  

"I can hear your heart beat, boy..." comes the deep southern drawl from whatever is at the base of the silo and that was enough for me.  I, not very bravely, scrabbled back up over the side of the silo, quickly gathered my things, strapped on my backpack, pulled out the pepper spray and backed towards the door.  

The sound of clambering was heard and before I made it all the way to the door behind me a looming shape pulled itself up over the ledge in the very spot I was just sitting.

"Ain't no use runnin' since I'll catch ya anyway..."  I looked full upon the towering giant of a man standing where I was just moments ago.  The man, if it was that at all, was built like a body-builder on steroids.  He must have been over seven feet tall with shoulders the size of basketballs and hands the size of, well, basketballs.  He looked like he could rend steel with those hands and also, why was he out in only a tank top.  It’s barely forty degrees outside and he isn't shivering at all.  In fact, there was no steam coming from his mouth when he talked.  That's odd.

As the creature, the giant man, looked full upon me, something flickered in his eyes as if a light was reflected but there were no light sources, anywhere, aside from the moon.  Then, in what can only be described as sheer surprise, the enormous jaw on the juggernaut standing before me gaped open.

"Y...you."  The giant just stood there in awe, staring, not moving, not breathing, covered in dust and dirt.

"Who?" I had finally found my breath and thought that if maybe I could keep this guy talking long enough, I might be able to keep him from ripping my arms off, which he looked completely capable of doing without much effort.

There was no response for some time... just this huge slack-jawed guy staring at me with a look of sadness on his face.

"Huh.  Well.  That's... somethin’."  He closed his jaw and tilted his head to the side, looking me up and down.   "I believe you have somethin' of mine, I'd like it back please."  The giant took two large steps towards me and held out his hand, a hand that could easily crush a normal person's skull I noticed.  

"You mean the necklace thing... yeah, sure, I mean, I didn't think it belonged to anyone so I just, you know kept hold of it."  I tried to act cool, relaxed, but I was freaked out.  Usually I don’t talk this much.  I have rarely ever said more than a few words to anyone at school and here I am jabbering on at this behemoth who hasn't stopped staring at me... and also hadn't blinked once since he got up here.

I pulled the necklace from my pocket and felt a twinge of something, like when a chord is struck that really resonates inside you.  This is where it got weird.  I glanced down at the stone in my hand and noticed a slight change.  Where the stone was a gray granite-like color when I had pocketed it, now it had taken on a reddish-brown hue.  

Apparently I wasn’t the only one to notice the change.  "On second thought, why don't you keep it.  Call it a gift... so what's your name, kid?"

I froze, and then, feeling uncertain, I re-pocketed it.  I felt compelled to fill the silence and really didn’t want to take any chances lying to a guy this big, so I answered, "Rick."

"Well, have a seat Rick and talk a spell, we got some time yet..." and with that the giant man cracked his knuckles that made a sound like metal breaking and sat.

Finding no real excuse not to, and not really wanting to upset him, I warily sat.  

"Name's Jake.  Good to meet ya.  Oh, and in case you ain't noticed, yeah, I'm a vampire."  Jake grinned and revealed canines the size of a roll of quarters, then chuckled.

Another Post About Editing

OK, so by now you've read (or maybe you haven't at which point you might want to get a point of reference) my previous post about editing and know pretty much how I feel about it.

Well, recently, I've beefed up my editing schedule to about two hours a day at least five days a week (more on Monday's but we'll get to that in a bit).  At this rate, I should be done editing and have a second draft finished in about two weeks.

So, that's led me to another rant on my feelings about editing or what it's done to me as a writer.  I do, however, feel the need to qualify this by describing my feelings of inadequacy when I turn on my social media tools (Twitter and Facebook) and read that all the other authors I truly admire are pounding through the writing/editing process with much more apparent ease.  I know, I know.  They've all had much more experience with this sort of thing.  They've all done this before.  They've all got deals or made tons of money doing it.  This is my first time.  I got it.  It still doesn't make me feel much better.

*Muppet-Flailing while shouting in my Lois the senior-citizen-chain-smoking-vespa-riding Assassin voice*  "I'm a deeeee-VAAAAAAA".

Now that THAT is out of my system... moving on.

To me, going through this process is a lot like going through therapy.  There are days where I get done with an editing session and am all excited and think, "YES, this book is gonna be AWESOME!!!!!".   I feel good about my work, my choice to write, and my life.

Then there are days where I get done, feel like the dried up dirt that cakes sidewalks after the puddle has dried up, and think, "This sucks... why am I even doing this?".

It is an emotional roller coaster, at least for me.

Fortunately for me, as with therapy, I've got a great support system.  Aside from my awesome wife, I also have a great (and steadily growing, feel free to join us) group of friends who meet up with me on Monday nights for a few hours to communally get work done on whatever personal projects we all have.  Plus, they have to put up with me chuckling a LOT to myself while I'm editing and then suffer through me reading aloud to them.

So, ultimately, my affair with editing is like an affair with a counselor.  Some good, some bad, always dramatic and when it's over... it's OVER...

...until the next book.  Then the process starts all over again.

As always, thanks for reading and thanks for your support.

~Stephan

The Long-Awaited "Editing" Update

OK, so for the record:  I hate editing.

-Also-

For the record:  I love editing...

...but mostly I hate it, and let me tell you why.  Of course, if you're not interested, you could stop reading right here, but why stop, you may find something amusing (or at least entertaining).  If you don't I encourage you to check out Youtube for that video of the animatronic dinosaur scaring that little kid.

Anyroad, here's why I love editing (since I'm sort of an optimist, we'll go with the good news first):

It helps me find my voice.  More importantly, it helps me actualize my voice so that you, the reader, can understand it and get a clear idea of what that voice is like (when you eventually pick up a copy of my best seller).

It also helps expand my vocabulary.  Sure, I love words like bellicose and defenestration, but those are only two words.  Hard to fill a sixty thousand word novel with those two words over and over again (though I've already done it and made a movie about it... in my head... it stars Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Ron Perlman, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bruce Willis, The Rock, Triple-H, Chuck Norris, Clint Eastwood, and Samuel L. Jackson) and taking the time to edit allows me to utilize one of the best tools I've found for writing:  Thesaurus.com (though it's currently tied with Wordhippo.com).

Now, because I like to rant, sometimes, here's why I hate editing (and I can already hear Chuck Wendig's voice in the back of my head bellowing, "Quite yer *expletive deleted* whining you *expletive deleted* pansy.  Put yer *expletive deleted* big boy pants on and *expletive deleted* write!"):

It's slow.  I put all that effort into getting the words onto paper.  Sure, it was writing for quantity and sure there were parts where I put "<insert really cool fight scene here>", but in comparison to spending an hour to pound out a few thousand words.  Here I spend an hour and I've gotten MAYBE three pages done... out of one hundred and seventy three.  Now, with maintaining a healthy, happy relationship with my awesome wife,  helping her with two home-based companies, maintaining a household (laundry, dishes, lunches, breakfasts, lawn care, home repairs, etc...), child care for a one-and-a-half year old and an eight year old, time devoted to editing is very limited (Yup, there it is, Chuck's voice again cursing at me).  I felt way more accomplished when I could say I got a few thousand words out.  I'll get over it (and myself, and my ego yelling at me in Chuck Wendig's voice).

It's hard to see what I've written converted into something that isn't what I wrote:  like when I change tenses, point of view, etc...  I wrote it and when I re-read it, it sounded fine... Now I change the tense and the point of view and it sounds a bit clunky... well, at least to me, but I'm overly critical... just ask the other theatre majors from my Theatre Criticism class... none of them wanted me to come see their shows... ever.

It's slow.  Yeah, I know I mentioned this already, but it's really important to me, so you know, repetition makes things stick and all that.

Anyroad, that's really all I have to say about my love/hate relationship with editing.  I'm sure I'll get over myself, but not before I can whine just a bit more (and not before I can experience defenestration first hand by my ego/Chuck Wendig voice, at least metaphorically).  :)

As always, thanks for your support and if you got all the way down here, thanks for reading!

~Stephan

P.S. Chuck, if you actually read this blog entry, I love you man, keep up the awesome work... you're a *expletive deleted* inspiration!  :)