I've been told that dealing with rejection in a positive manner is one of the most important tools a writer can have in their toolbox (on par with dealing with criticism in a positive manner).
It's true, and while we're taught to "don't let it bother you" or "don't lose sleep over it" that's not to say "pretend it doesn't affect you". Not only is this true for writers, but for all social creatures (and yes, if you're reading this or even if you just saw the link on Facebook, you're a social creature).
In my experience, how strongly rejection affects you is directly proportional to the amount of investment you have with what's being rejected. There are, of course, other mitigating factors but those are the basics. Of course every writer wants to get their work accepted and are thus heavily invested, but this can apply to almost all walks of life: personal achievement, dating, gaming, and really almost any social interaction.
Rejection can trigger strong emotions, particularly when first encountered and those emotions can linger. There's not a quick fix or trick or magic spell to rid yourself of these emotions or to ignore them. In fact, ignoring them (and pretending they don't exist) is, again in my experience, probably one of the worst things anyone can do.
The question then would be: Well, Sir Baldylocks, if I can't ignore it or pretend it doesn't exist, what CAN I do?
Great question, I'm glad you asked!
There are a number of things that have helped me and I offer them up to help you:
1. Remember that optimism is learned. One can only learn something if they're open to learning and wanting to learn it. So it's not a matter of saying you're just not an optimistic person, it's a matter of asking yourself if you truly want to be optimistic. There's nothing wrong with saying no, but acknowledge that you're making that choice (as opposed to that choice being made for you).
2. Acknowledge your emotions, recognize them for what they are and let them move on. Depressed because you got three rejection letters in one week? Great. Acknowledge that you're feeling depressed, recognize why you have it and then continue your work. Don't, however, cling to it or try to force yourself to feel better. Allow those feelings to flow and take breaks where you can to do some things to help you feel better (a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate, reading of non-required material, an hour of a video game, etc...), but don't allow your emotions or your distractions from keeping you from your work.
3. Work through it. Let's take an example of a physical injury. When we suffer an injury, we acknowledge it, we recognize it, we apply pain killers and then we start re-working it. Sure, our effectiveness might be a bit lower for the first few attempts afterwards, but soon enough we are back in business. Movement is life, but you have to be the one who decides to move or to not to move. In my experience, one of the most empowering feelings is making that decision to get up after being knocked down, and then getting up.
4. Be in the moment, but remember the past and gaze at the future. You may be feeling like it's the end of the world right now (and that's valid), but you've not always felt this way and I can tell you that you're not always going to feel that way. How do I know? I don't. I'm guessing, but I do know that I've been rejected a lot, I've felt like the world was ending, but I also know that I didn't feel this way all the time and I got through it to feel not like that any longer. But this isn't about me, it's about you. So, you, ask yourself how you're feeling right now, acknowledge it, recognize it. Now remember a time when you didn't feel this way. Not too hard, right? Now, I'm not a doctor or a scientist (and I've not even played one on TV, though there was this one time I was a double agent on a pilot episode of a soap opera) but I am a social creature and in my experience, feelings fluctuate.
5. Keep working. Did I mention this already? Yeah, but it's important so I thought I'd mention it again. Sometimes, some of the most productive days at the gym (or any task, really) are days when you don't feel like going. I've not ever come home from the gym and thought, "man, I wish I didn't go today". It may not be your best work, but it will be work and you will show yourself that you CAN work through something.
6. Own your feelings. They are yours, after all. Blaming someone else for how you're feeling only works to undermine your empowerment OF those feelings. Yes, someone rejects you (or your work, or your advances, or your lunch) and it can hurt. Saying they hurt you is taking away your power to deal with your feelings and giving that power to someone else. Saying you hurt is enough and is more empowering for you. The more power you feel you have over your emotions, the more ownership you feel you have over your emotions, the more you actually do. One learns to be strong by overcoming obstacles, not blaming others for those obstacles.
7. Moral Support. It's addictive and dangerous, but like anything that's addictive and dangerous, it's also rewarding. There is nothing wrong with saying to a friend, "Hey, I'm feeling a bit down, I could use a hug." I encourage it. Occasionally. Becoming addicted to it and needing it are harmful to your ability to overcome obstacles. A friend will give you a hug when you need it, a REAL friend will not when you don't. Ok, it's not a perfect allegory, but hey, you get the idea. Remember: you're not alone in your feelings, but sometimes you need to be.
Alright, I think I've rambled long enough. I hope this helps. Thanks for reading and thanks for your support! :)
~Stephan
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